By Alan Finn
I attended a birthday celebration for my good friend who has had three children and was now crossing into the realm of forty years old. She confessed to me that she wasn't thrilled about the party, but she conceded because he husband and kids were so insistent. I knew that her family had made a pretty big error in judgment when I got there and the entire house was full of black balloons and morbid "over 40" decorations.
She wore a strained smile through the whole thing. She was even chided into wearing a birthday shirt that matched the party decorations. I know her quite well because of our long friendship, and I could tell that she was quite upset. What she needed was encouragement about her age, but what she got was nothing like it.
My friend isn't alone in her fear of forty. Lots of people, women especially, look to their fortieth birthday as the beginning of the end. They see all of the good times of their youth replaced by a long road of getting old and dying. It can be a really heavy experience for some and a downright nightmare for others. That's why I really bring into question the appropriateness of birthday t-shirts.
What would have been best for my friend in this situation would be tons of love and a quiet dinner with family. She needed love and support because she was feeling as low as she could get. What happened instead is she was forced out into a spotlight and made to do a little dance while wearing a birthday shirt. I could see the humiliation in her eyes all night long.
Not all birthday t-shirts are bad, though. It's easy to tell the difference between a shirt that is making light of the situation and a shirt that is uplifting and sweet. Buy somebody a gift that makes them feel good about themselves. Buying a gift for a person that makes them sad is a pretty poor gift indeed.
Really, just try not to be an insensitive jerk when you're looking for birthday t-shirts to get. Remember that this occasion is not for your benefit when you see something that makes you chuckle. Buying something that makes the whole room laugh may be rewarding for a second, but how do you weight that against the unhappiness and doubt you breed in the mind of your friend?
She wore a strained smile through the whole thing. She was even chided into wearing a birthday shirt that matched the party decorations. I know her quite well because of our long friendship, and I could tell that she was quite upset. What she needed was encouragement about her age, but what she got was nothing like it.
My friend isn't alone in her fear of forty. Lots of people, women especially, look to their fortieth birthday as the beginning of the end. They see all of the good times of their youth replaced by a long road of getting old and dying. It can be a really heavy experience for some and a downright nightmare for others. That's why I really bring into question the appropriateness of birthday t-shirts.
What would have been best for my friend in this situation would be tons of love and a quiet dinner with family. She needed love and support because she was feeling as low as she could get. What happened instead is she was forced out into a spotlight and made to do a little dance while wearing a birthday shirt. I could see the humiliation in her eyes all night long.
Not all birthday t-shirts are bad, though. It's easy to tell the difference between a shirt that is making light of the situation and a shirt that is uplifting and sweet. Buy somebody a gift that makes them feel good about themselves. Buying a gift for a person that makes them sad is a pretty poor gift indeed.
Really, just try not to be an insensitive jerk when you're looking for birthday t-shirts to get. Remember that this occasion is not for your benefit when you see something that makes you chuckle. Buying something that makes the whole room laugh may be rewarding for a second, but how do you weight that against the unhappiness and doubt you breed in the mind of your friend?
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